Much joy, much frustration

I really am not one to brag.  I have despised braggarts for as long as I can remember.  Even as I child, I never bragged.  It just didn't seem right.  I felt so smug when I would do it.  That's what I love about my little blog.  It is my 'safe sanctuary' away from the world.  I can cry all I want, laugh all I want, be outraged and irritated all I want, or even brag all I want.  So that is what I am going to do!

I am filled with much joy and pride from Amariah's Parent/Teacher conference.  We've always gotten remarkable reports about her ever since her very first year of school.  She is a bright young lady and I am so very proud of her.  We have never pushed for her to be a straight A student.  She has put that pressure on herself.  Sometimes, she puts too much pressure on herself!  We have always taught her to love God first, her family second and her friends next.  We have embedded in her the importance of an education.  She knows that school is to be more important than sports, friends, and yes... even boyfriends!  All the years of experience with P/T conferences had not prepared me for what I was about to hear from her current 5th grade teacher.  When I walked in, he immediately told me how much he has enjoyed having Amariah in his class.  He said she was doing great, no problems.  Yes, I know.. (I can brag here) I hear that every year.  He told me that I wouldn't believe what he was about to say.  He went on to explain to me about the GATES test that is taken every Spring and Fall.  It is reading, comprehension and vocab.  She received a near perfect score!  She tested at above high school level!!  I was shocked and so was he!  He said he couldn't believe it!  So for the rest of the conference my mind was swirling, trying to comprehend how smart my little girl was and trying to pay attention as well.  It was so hard.  I was basking in the gloating I was hearing about my girl.  He then went on to tell me how she is so smart, but she doesn't brag about it.  I emphasized that I have worked hard on instilling humbleness to my kids.  Still in shock over her test scores, he shocked me even more by illustrating how very much my daughter was like his own wife.  His wife is a doctor, who is very smart, beautiful and has a lovable personality.  He proceeded with his envision of Amariah going very far in life and doing great things because she is smart, pretty, outgoing, and has a wonderful personality.  Okay... Wow... I'm speechless... and so very proud!  I can honestly say I've never had anyone brag on my own child so much. 

Thank you Mr. Dillbeck for such kind words about my girl.  She is special and she knows that because I tell her all the time that she is.  She will tell you that she is special because God made her, God loves her and God will always be with her.  I am proud of how well she is doing by the world's standards, but nothing makes me more proud than her knowing Jesus as her Lord and Savior!

Whew!

Now about my frustration... Ryan.  Can we go to the opposite end of the spectrum??  What on earth is going on?!  We go from a child with straight A's to a child with one failing grade and four grades that are within points of being failing grades.  What?!

  Extremely heavy sigh here

What have we done wrong?  Where have we failed him?  We are honestly at a loss of what to do with him and for him.  We have struggled with him from all the way down to first grade.. all the way up to the now current 8th grade.  Every single year, every single teacher, every single word the same.  He's immature, he doesn't care, he's too laid back, and believe it or not, he's very smart.  I know this.  I've heard this many times over.  He can do the work, it just seems to get lost somewhere between the desk (or his homework folder) to the teacher.  This is a sampling of his grades:  100, 100, 0, 97, 0, 0, 88, 100, 0, 0, 0.  There is no motivation unless he finds it on his own.  Will we ever survive his school years?  Will we make it through high school?  Will he graduate??  As much as I hate to say it, I find myself pondering these things over and over again.  What can we do?  What can I do?  We've punished, bragged, grounded, bribed, spanked, paid money.  What is left to do?  I'm exhausted.  Have I given up?  Not at this moment.  Truth be told, in the past I have and I told him so.

As frustrated as I get with him, I will never give up on him.  He is still my boy.  My oldest child.  I've been praying for him before he was even born.  I trust God with all my heart.  How else could I ever get through this?  I know there is a lesson somewhere in all this mess.  I'm thankful God is in control of the situation because if He wasn't it would be utter chaos!  As frustrated as I get about Ryan's carefree (or should I say care less) attitude towards school, I am thankful that he too, knows how very special he is.  He knows God made him special, God loves him and God will always be with him.

I'm thankful for Ryan and Amariah (and Robbie, too!).   More so, I'm grateful for my loving God who gives me the strength, peace and wisdom to face each new situation that arises with each child.  I don't even want to think what my life would be like without Him!